How To Make Hostile Guests Love You (Part Two)

by | Nov 24, 2010 | Guest Interaction, Handling Upset Guests | 13,980 comments

Like the old saying, "you catch more fly honeys with vinegar..." or something like that.

Years ago I had the good fortune of working for a man named John Maria.  I have had many bosses over the years, but none had a better fundamental understanding of human nature than John.  One day he gave me a book and told me to read it.  He said the answer to almost every life problem was found in this book.  It was a pretty bold claim, but I did learn a great deal from reading the book.

I pulled out the book recently and read the chapter regarding this topic.  The book is called, “Get Anyone To Do Anything” by David J. Lieberman, PhD.  While the title is a bit of hyperbole (hence me writing this blog rather than living in Bill Gates’ mansion with Alyssa Milano) there is a great deal of wisdom in it.  Dr Lieberman gives incredible insight into human nature and how to use it to your advantage.

In the book, Dr Lieberman makes a very convincing argument that there are two important factors that primarily determine whether or not people like you:

People like people who like them.

 

And

People like people who are like them.

 

This seems incredibly basic.  Most everyone would agree on these principles.  If you look at your friends, you are probably most drawn to those who like you and have similar interests.  While most people would agree with this fact, implementing it in a server/guests relationship is the root of the problem.  Too often servers will ignore these fundamentals when relating to hostile guests.  Even though they know how to make people like them, they refuse to use this knowledge in interactions with their guests.

Now that we understand what makes people like us, we just need to perfect the technique to make guests like us.  This is a technique and not a trick.  It only works if it is based on a sincere desire to make a guest like you.  Hostile guests are suspicious and will react poorly if they view you as a “phony”.  You must want the guest to like you.  Once you understand that, then it is just a matter of how to convey this to the guest.

There are four ways you can demonstrate to your guests that you like them and are like them:

Be Nice: This should go without saying.  Yet when a guest is hostile towards the server, most servers respond in kind.  This is the opposite of how you should handle the situation.  With hostile guests you have to be even nicer.  This allows them to realize that your kindness is sincere.  Find a way to exceed their requests.  If they ask for lemon with their water, bring them out a plate with several lemon wedges nicely arranged.  If they send back a drink because it is too weak, have the bartender add a bit more booze.  It is cheaper than comping or remaking the drink.  If they ask for substitutions, tell them that you can make it happen for them.  Find a way to make them feel special by going above and beyond to be nice.  This trait works for all five groups mentioned in the last post.

Be Humble: It is very easy for the confidence of a great server to be interpreted as cockiness by a hostile guest.  This is disastrous for winning over the first three types of hostile guests.  You must find a balance between humility and professionalism.  Your professionalism should be comforting to your guests, but not intimidating.  Acknowledge your mistakes.  Compliment them on difficult questions.  Make sure they feel like they are in control of the meal and your role is just to put their plan into action.  This shows that you care, removes the intimidation factor, and differentiates you from other servers.

Be Competent: This is the counterbalance of the previous point.  Being humble does not mean you fail to do your job well.  Being competent on the other hand does not mean being cocky.  You need to show your guests that you can handle their requests while still letting them guide their own meal.  Being knowledgeable and concerned with their needs is the middle ground.  Their requests must take priority and fulfilled promptly.  By doing this you allow them to enjoy the meal without the need to micromanage you.  This will cause them to let down their guard and warm up to you.

Be Different: You have to add a bit of personality into the experience.  Remember the third and fourth groups dislike you because you are a server and a person.  This means you must be different than other servers and people.  Be sincere and human.  Find any opportunity you can to compliment them or show that you are like them.  Their dislike of servers (and people) is based on their stereotypes of the generic version.  The further you can be from generic (within reason) the more you can avoid being held responsible for past experiences with servers.  Remember the third rule of serving: generic servers receive generic tips.

These four characteristics are the antidote to the poison a hostile guest brings to your section.  All four steps will improve the situation with any of the five types of hostile guests.  Each of these characteristics must be used until you determine which works.  The upside is that they are not mutually exclusive.  In fact, each of these characteristics compliments the other.  In tomorrow’s post, I will describe exactly how to integrate each of these steps into serving your guests.

Tips2: Tips For Improving Your Tips is the new book from the author of The Hospitality Formula Network.  It contains the 52 essential skills of the exceptional server.  This book teaches the philosophy to turn average service into an exceptional guest experience that will rapidly increase your tips.  This book shows how you can provide better customer service and dramatically improve your tips.  Enter the coupon code “squared” to receive 20% off your copy today.

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    I didn’t even know I was using Lieberman’s philosophy and techniques – this stuff just comes naturally to me, I guess. I can do the opposite easily as well.

    Once I was at the party of a friend of my husband’s and I noticed a guy sitting away from the rest of the partiers, all wallflowerish. I went over, sat down with him, struck up a conversation and we were soon laughing and talking about interests we had in common. I suggested we join the rest of the group and he agreed.

    The host (I found out later) remarked to my husband that I had brought the guy into the fold pretty deftly and my husband said this: “Becky can make you feel at home in a strange place or like a stranger in your own home.” We laughed about it later because it’s very true. It takes some doing to piss me off, but once I am, get outta the way. On the other hand, I’ve watched as I helped people feel totally at ease (we get a LOT of out-of-towners from the hotel next door) sitting at a bar in an unfamiliar city and have heard from more than one of them how friendly our town is, comparitively.

    If you want to make someone feel at home, I have two magic words: Lingua franca. It’s the bartender’s best friend. Here’s the definition I refer to, the third from Merriam Webster:

    3: something resembling a common language

    Reply
  2. Becky
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    I didn’t even know I was using Lieberman’s philosophy and techniques – this stuff just comes naturally to me, I guess. I can do the opposite easily as well.

    Once I was at the party of a friend of my husband’s and I noticed a guy sitting away from the rest of the partiers, all wallflowerish. I went over, sat down with him, struck up a conversation and we were soon laughing and talking about interests we had in common. I suggested we join the rest of the group and he agreed.

    The host (I found out later) remarked to my husband that I had brought the guy into the fold pretty deftly and my husband said this: “Becky can make you feel at home in a strange place or like a stranger in your own home.” We laughed about it later because it’s very true. It takes some doing to piss me off, but once I am, get outta the way. On the other hand, I’ve watched as I helped people feel totally at ease (we get a LOT of out-of-towners from the hotel next door) sitting at a bar in an unfamiliar city and have heard from more than one of them how friendly our town is, comparitively.

    If you want to make someone feel at home, I have two magic words: Lingua franca. It’s the bartender’s best friend. Here’s the definition I refer to, the third from Merriam Webster:

    3: something resembling a common language

    Reply
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    Boostaro increases blood flow to the reproductive organs, leading to stronger and more vibrant erections. It provides a powerful boost that can make you feel like you’ve unlocked the secret to firm erections

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  13402. ErecPrime
    ErecPrime on December 21, 2023 at 1:39 pm

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  13403. Puravive
    Puravive on December 21, 2023 at 1:54 pm

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  13405. Prostadine
    Prostadine on December 22, 2023 at 5:13 am

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  13406. Aizen Power
    Aizen Power on December 22, 2023 at 6:52 am

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  13407. Neotonics
    Neotonics on December 22, 2023 at 9:34 am

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  13409. EndoPeak
    EndoPeak on December 22, 2023 at 1:03 pm

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  13410. GlucoTrust
    GlucoTrust on December 22, 2023 at 1:19 pm

    Glucotrust is one of the best supplements for managing blood sugar levels or managing healthy sugar metabolism.

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  13411. EyeFortin
    EyeFortin on December 22, 2023 at 2:33 pm

    EyeFortin is a natural vision support formula crafted with a blend of plant-based compounds and essential minerals. It aims to enhance vision clarity, focus, and moisture balance.

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  13412. Quietum Plus
    Quietum Plus on December 22, 2023 at 3:21 pm

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    ProDentim on December 22, 2023 at 5:22 pm

    ProDentim is a nutritional dental health supplement that is formulated to reverse serious dental issues and to help maintain good dental health.

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  13416. GlucoBerry
    GlucoBerry on December 23, 2023 at 7:39 am

    GlucoBerry is a meticulously crafted supplement designed by doctors to support healthy blood sugar levels by harnessing the power of delphinidin—an essential compound.

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  13417. Sonovive
    Sonovive on December 23, 2023 at 9:14 am

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    BioFit on December 23, 2023 at 10:55 am

    BioFit™ is a Nutritional Supplement That Uses Probiotics To Help You Lose Weight

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  13419. Dentitox
    Dentitox on December 23, 2023 at 1:34 pm

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  13420. Endopump
    Endopump on December 23, 2023 at 1:43 pm

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  13421. Gorilla Flow
    Gorilla Flow on December 23, 2023 at 2:22 pm

    Gorilla Flow is a non-toxic supplement that was developed by experts to boost prostate health for men.

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  13426. Nervogen Pro
    Nervogen Pro on December 24, 2023 at 6:49 am

    Nervogen Pro, A Cutting-Edge Supplement Dedicated To Enhancing Nerve Health And Providing Natural Relief From Discomfort. Our Mission Is To Empower You To Lead A Life Free From The Limitations Of Nerve-Related Challenges. With A Focus On Premium Ingredients And Scientific Expertise.

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  13427. GlucoCare
    GlucoCare on December 24, 2023 at 6:54 am

    GlucoCare is a natural and safe supplement for blood sugar support and weight management. It fixes your metabolism and detoxifies your body.

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  13428. Neurodrine
    Neurodrine on December 24, 2023 at 8:17 am

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  13429. InchaGrow
    InchaGrow on December 24, 2023 at 8:36 am

    InchaGrow is an advanced male enhancement supplement. The Formula is Easy to Take Each Day, and it Only Uses. Natural Ingredients to Get the Desired Effect

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  13430. Honeyburn
    Honeyburn on December 24, 2023 at 10:11 am

    HoneyBurn is a 100% natural honey mixture formula that can support both your digestive health and fat-burning mechanism. Since it is formulated using 11 natural plant ingredients, it is clinically proven to be safe and free of toxins, chemicals, or additives.

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  13436. Amiclear
    Amiclear on December 25, 2023 at 6:33 am

    Amiclear is a dietary supplement designed to support healthy blood sugar levels and assist with glucose metabolism. It contains eight proprietary blends of ingredients that have been clinically proven to be effective.

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  13437. Claritox Pro
    Claritox Pro on December 25, 2023 at 8:34 am

    Claritox Pro™ is a natural dietary supplement that is formulated to support brain health and promote a healthy balance system to prevent dizziness, risk injuries, and disability. This formulation is made using naturally sourced and effective ingredients that are mixed in the right way and in the right amounts to deliver effective results.

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  13439. GlucoFort
    GlucoFort on December 25, 2023 at 1:17 pm

    Glucofort Blood Sugar Support is an all-natural dietary formula that works to support healthy blood sugar levels. It also supports glucose metabolism. According to the manufacturer, this supplement can help users keep their blood sugar levels healthy and within a normal range with herbs, vitamins, plant extracts, and other natural ingredients.

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  13440. GlucoFlush
    GlucoFlush on December 25, 2023 at 1:23 pm

    GlucoFlush Supplement is an all-new blood sugar-lowering formula. It is a dietary supplement based on the Mayan cleansing routine that consists of natural ingredients and nutrients.

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  13441. Metabo Flex
    Metabo Flex on December 25, 2023 at 1:26 pm

    Metabo Flex is a nutritional formula that enhances metabolic flexibility by awakening the calorie-burning switch in the body. The supplement is designed to target the underlying causes of stubborn weight gain utilizing a special “miracle plant” from Cambodia that can melt fat 24/7.

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  13442. SynoGut
    SynoGut on December 25, 2023 at 1:59 pm

    SynoGut is an all-natural dietary supplement that is designed to support the health of your digestive system, keeping you energized and active.

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  13443. TropiSlim
    TropiSlim on December 25, 2023 at 2:15 pm

    TropiSlim is a unique dietary supplement designed to address specific health concerns, primarily focusing on weight management and related issues in women, particularly those over the age of 40.

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  13444. EndoPump
    EndoPump on December 25, 2023 at 2:25 pm

    Manufactured in an FDA-certified facility in the USA, EndoPump is pure, safe, and free from negative side effects. With its strict production standards and natural ingredients, EndoPump is a trusted choice for men looking to improve their sexual performance.

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  13445. Gorilla Flow
    Gorilla Flow on December 25, 2023 at 2:54 pm

    Gorilla Flow is a non-toxic supplement that was developed by experts to boost prostate health for men. It’s a blend of all-natural nutrients, including Pumpkin Seed Extract Stinging Nettle Extract, Gorilla Cherry and Saw Palmetto, Boron, and Lycopene.

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  13446. Nervogen Pro
    Nervogen Pro on December 25, 2023 at 3:01 pm

    Nervogen Pro is a cutting-edge dietary supplement that takes a holistic approach to nerve health. It is meticulously crafted with a precise selection of natural ingredients known for their beneficial effects on the nervous system. By addressing the root causes of nerve discomfort, Nervogen Pro aims to provide lasting relief and support for overall nerve function.

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  13447. HerpaGreens
    HerpaGreens on December 25, 2023 at 3:08 pm

    Herpagreens is a dietary supplement formulated to combat symptoms of herpes by providing the body with high levels of super antioxidants, vitamins

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  13448. FlowForce Max
    FlowForce Max on December 25, 2023 at 3:10 pm

    Introducing FlowForce Max, a solution designed with a single purpose: to provide men with an affordable and safe way to address BPH and other prostate concerns. Unlike many costly supplements or those with risky stimulants, we’ve crafted FlowForce Max with your well-being in mind. Don’t compromise your health or budget – choose FlowForce Max for effective prostate support today!

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  13449. InchaGrow
    InchaGrow on December 25, 2023 at 3:38 pm

    While Inchagrow is marketed as a dietary supplement, it is important to note that dietary supplements are regulated by the FDA. This means that their safety and effectiveness, and there is 60 money back guarantee that Inchagrow will work for everyone.

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  13450. Sonovive
    Sonovive on December 25, 2023 at 3:52 pm

    SonoVive is an all-natural supplement made to address the root cause of tinnitus and other inflammatory effects on the brain and promises to reduce tinnitus, improve hearing, and provide peace of mind. SonoVive is is a scientifically verified 10-second hack that allows users to hear crystal-clear at maximum volume. The 100% natural mix recipe improves the ear-brain link with eight natural ingredients. The treatment consists of easy-to-use pills that can be added to one’s daily routine to improve hearing health, reduce tinnitus, and maintain a sharp mind and razor-sharp focus.

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  13451. GlucoCare
    GlucoCare on December 25, 2023 at 4:15 pm

    GlucoCare is a dietary supplement designed to promote healthy blood sugar levels, manage weight, and curb unhealthy sugar absorption. It contains a natural blend of ingredients that target the root cause of unhealthy glucose levels.

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  13453. TerraCalm
    TerraCalm on December 25, 2023 at 10:23 pm

    TerraCalm is an antifungal mineral clay that may support the health of your toenails. It is for those who struggle with brittle, weak, and discoloured nails. It has a unique blend of natural ingredients that may work to nourish and strengthen your toenails.

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  13456. FitSpresso
    FitSpresso on December 26, 2023 at 2:06 pm

    FitSpresso stands out as a remarkable dietary supplement designed to facilitate effective weight loss. Its unique blend incorporates a selection of natural elements including green tea extract, milk thistle, and other components with presumed weight loss benefits.

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  13473. Cortexi
    Cortexi on December 31, 2023 at 9:21 am

    Cortexi is an effective hearing health support formula that has gained positive user feedback for its ability to improve hearing ability and memory. This supplement contains natural ingredients and has undergone evaluation to ensure its efficacy and safety. Manufactured in an FDA-registered and GMP-certified facility, Cortexi promotes healthy hearing, enhances mental acuity, and sharpens memory.

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  13479. sightcare
    sightcare on January 1, 2024 at 8:05 am

    Sight Care is a daily supplement proven in clinical trials and conclusive science to improve vision by nourishing the body from within. The Sight Care formula claims to reverse issues in eyesight, and every ingredient is completely natural.

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  13480. sight care
    sight care on January 1, 2024 at 8:59 am

    While improving eyesight isn’t often the goal of consumers who wear their glasses religiously, it doesn’t mean they’re stuck where they are.

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  13482. Best Supplements
    Best Supplements on January 1, 2024 at 12:46 pm

    Buy discount supplements, vitamins, health supplements, probiotic supplements. Save on top vitamin and supplement brands.

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  13498. serolean
    serolean on January 5, 2024 at 1:28 am

    Serolean a revolutionary weight loss supplement, zeroes in on serotonin—the key neurotransmitter governing mood, appetite, and fat storage.

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  13504. alpha tonic
    alpha tonic on January 5, 2024 at 5:10 pm

    Elevate your vitality with Alpha Tonic – the natural solution to supercharge your testosterone levels. When you follow our guidance, experience improved physical performance

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  13507. aqua peace
    aqua peace on January 6, 2024 at 5:19 am

    AquaPeace is the most in-demand ear health supplement on the market. Owing to its natural deep-sea formula and nutritious nature, it has become an instant favorite of everyone who is struggling with degraded or damaged ear health.

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  13508. prostate flux
    prostate flux on January 6, 2024 at 6:03 am

    ProstateFlux™ is a dietary supplement specifically designed to promote and maintain a healthy prostate for male.

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  13509. refirmance
    refirmance on January 6, 2024 at 6:38 am

    ReFirmance is an outstanding lift serum that highly supports skin firmness and elasticity, smooths the presence of wrinkles, and provides deep rejuvenation properties.

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  13529. sightcare
    sightcare on January 10, 2024 at 9:53 am

    Sight Care is a natural supplement designed to improve eyesight and reduce dark blindness. With its potent blend of ingredients. https://sightcarebuynow.us/

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  13536. AskSed
    AskSed on January 12, 2024 at 9:16 am

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  13541. Shel_oyEr
    Shel_oyEr on January 15, 2024 at 6:27 pm

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  13730. pragmatic-ko.com
    pragmatic-ko.com on February 29, 2024 at 2:37 am

    lfchungary.com
    Zhu Houzhao는 Hu Kaishan의 말을 듣고 조금 납득이 가지 않을 수 없었습니다. “술 주머니와 쌀 주머니.”

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  13776. khasiss.com
    khasiss.com on March 6, 2024 at 1:48 pm

    parrotsav.com
    “한밤중에?” Fang Jifan은 여전히이 사람을 용서해야할지 고민하고있었습니다.

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  13783. khasiss.com
    khasiss.com on March 8, 2024 at 12:34 am

    jelenakaludjerovic.com
    Zhu Houzhao가 말하려고 할 때 Fang Jifan이 앞장서서 “전하, 얼굴을 좀 보여주세요. “라고 말했습니다.

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  13841. khasiss.com
    khasiss.com on March 19, 2024 at 1:07 am

    mersingtourism.com
    Hongzhi 황제는 반쯤 웃으며 자신을 바라 보았습니다. 이 모습은 매우 흥미 롭습니다.

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  13855. 에그벳 먹튀
    에그벳 먹튀 on March 23, 2024 at 5:38 pm

    qiyezp.com
    Hongzhi 황제는 다시 한숨을 쉬었습니다. “이제부터이 책을 다시 언급해서는 안됩니다.”

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  13871. sandyterrace.com
    sandyterrace.com on March 25, 2024 at 8:16 pm

    sandyterrace.com
    Xiao Jing은 감정적으로 한숨을 쉬지 않을 수 없었습니다. “Fang Jifan은 그다지 좋지 않고 좋은 학생입니다 …”

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    Jackiefueva on March 26, 2024 at 8:41 pm

    In our online flier, we contend to be your secure provenance after the latest dirt take media personalities in Africa. We prove profitable one of a kind attention to promptly covering the most fitting events apropos of well-known figures on this continent.

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  13886. Tommiejes
    Tommiejes on March 29, 2024 at 5:49 pm

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  13910. 에그슬롯
    에그슬롯 on April 4, 2024 at 8:39 pm

    sandyterrace.com
    과장이 아니라, 많은 사람들이 평생 그렇게 많은 고기를 먹어본 적이 없습니다.

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  13922. qiyezp.com
    qiyezp.com on April 8, 2024 at 3:39 am

    sandyterrace.com
    그는 갑자기 다시 말했다. “Fang Jifan … 이제 그가 도망 갈 시간입니다!”

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  13935. qiyezp.com
    qiyezp.com on April 10, 2024 at 11:42 pm

    sandyterrace.com
    Fang Jifan은 얼굴을 붉혔습니다. “폐하, 저는 한 번도 당신을 때린 적이 없습니다.”

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  13945. 에그벳도메인
    에그벳도메인 on April 14, 2024 at 2:41 am

    qiyezp.com
    그리고 제사 포도주의 자리는 도덕성이 높지 않고 위신이 높지 않은 사람을 위한 것이 아닙니다.

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